Marriage

We ate; we drank, and we circle-danced.  The day before Easter I wedding pre-partied for 4 hours.  The bride works in the hospital, and the groom owns a Tirana-bound furgon (minibus).  (My parents know him as the jaunty one.)  At 10:30 the bride made her grand entrance tightly laced into a bejeweled hoop skirt dress and all made up.  She joined in the dancing, heading every one, followed by a little girl striving to keep the bride's dress off the floor.  Finally, the groom arrived, and the bride and groom danced together, Albanian style, of course.  This isn't a waltzing occasion. People circled round and passed the couple props, starting with fake flowers and a handkerchief, followed by champagne, chairs to dance on, and finally, a flaming napkin.  (I noticed the bride was not dancing near the groom when the flaming napkin was produced.)   The couple must have had substantial endurance because this was probably the last of several days of pre-partying, and the bride's wedding wasn't until that evening.  After that, they still had a wedding parade out in the street and the groom's wedding Sunday.   I believe the partying goes into the early morning with copious mounts of meat, deafening music, and endless dancing, although I've never actually attended all of a typical wedding's festivities.  

People ask me whether Albanian weddings or American weddings are better, and I, like I always do, say they're just different.  On one hand, I think having a whole weekend and parade dedicated to a wedding is fun.  On the other, weekend long festivities are expensive and really tiring.  Plus, wedding parties and parades annoy the neighbors and cause traffic jams, but it's no surprise that so much time and money go into wedding festivities.  Getting married is very important in the culture.  Virtually everyone wants to get married, and family is so important that it's almost unimaginable not to want children.  Furthermore, the words for man and woman also mean husband and wife.  A girl isn't a woman and a boy isn't a man until they get married. 

I can't possibly count how many times I've had conversations about when I'll get married, why I'm not already, and whether I should marry an Albanian or an American.  After all, there's no time to lose.  I'm not worried, but if I had been brought up here, I would be.  Married women get more respect. Unmarried women are old maids.  Girls are supposed to learn to be good hostesses, cooks, and cleaners (all useful qualities but not exclusively for girls).  I guess it's not so different than the United States, historically, but I think it's really interesting how women can be almost anything they want professionally, with the exception of a furgon driver; I've never met a female furgon driver, but the gender roles are still so unbalanced.  This could open a whole host of issues, but just trust me; it's unbalanced.

I'm all for marriage for men and women who want to get married, especially if I'm invited to eat some wedding cake, circle dance a little, and take home some cookies.  I only wish it was more of a choice, and less of a defining feature of a person's relationship with society, so congratulations to the new happy couple!  I wish them all the best and would like to thank them for a great time, but let it be said, I don't believe in old maids.